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2002-02-11, 2:33 p.m.: quite an emotional weekend...

My weekend was tough...emotionally and physically. Physically, only b/c your emotions can really wreck havoc on your body, when they're not in high spirits. Someone I love very deeply thinks he may have a cancerous growth on his body. Now, I know I shouldn't worry this early in the game, but this is somebody who normally isn't the hypochondrial type. Me, myself, I am...but this person is not, definately. So this being true...I am worried. The spots have been visible for a while, but just now has one started to change. I was told to stay strong. He's not someone who would want any special treatment in a situation where he was sick. For that reason, I had to contain myself...which, I might add takes alot of my strength b/c I can be a very emotional person. I managed to contain myself to his face...but a/f I was a mess. It's tough for me to think deeply a/b this. All I know is that the mere glimpse of the thought brings me to tears. For the time being I don't think a/b the bad but focus on how I can help in this situation. We're going to go see a specialist tonight to see what's really going on. I really can't loose this person...I don't know what I'd do if I did. He has helped me in so many ways. I always have and always will do anything to keep him safe. He has been so many things to me, my teacher, my lover, my life's mentor...he will not leave me.