Tuesday, Jul. 27, 2004, 10:48 a.m.: change...

I literally felt like slicing my wrists this morning. I know I shouldn't fucking joke like that but this is really not even a joke. It is so dark outside right now, that I felt like I woke up @ 12 midnight this morning. NOT A HAPPY FUCKING CAMPER...no. On top of that, I have hardly any water in my system and I had a glass of wine last night, that hit me harder than a tonne of bricks. I'm going to try to make it out to the gym tonight, to work on shoulders, so that I feel like I've actually accomploshed something worthwhile today. This job is not very rewarding to me, so I need to keep my mind motivated and postivie through other means. This NY trip is not coming soon enough. I am in such need of a change of scenery and I have to get the fuck out of here soon. I just need alot of change right now. The sun would be a good start @ least...but I don't forsee that happening today.