Wednesday, Jun. 23, 2004, 10:15 a.m.: psychology...

Wow, ontop of it all I didn't realize he was such a god damn pussy!! For someone who claims that they care a/b me to no end, that they wouldn't give me up for the world...I sure did get stuck with the short end of the stick here...in every which way. It's nice though that I can see things for what they really are now. When the smoke screens are lifted and all the bull-shit is sifted through...he is just a weak mother-fucking-pussy boy. It's too bad he couldn't be man enough to just step up to the plate and fucking do this thing with me full-out, b/c I could have been everything he's ever claimed he wanted. He can fuck off though with his fake ass words, b/c actions speak much louder to me!! I was going to make it easy on him though anyways. Now no other bitch can worry a/b me 'being in the picture' and his ex doesn't have to worry a/b me anymore either...and most importantly, neither does he.

But, everything happens for a reason and I've come to a new summer plan b/c of this. My girlfriend is in NY right now and I had plans to go and visit her @ the end of July and stay for a week. Then the week turned into 2 weeks b/c I wanted some more time there. And now, that 2 weeks has turned into 1-2 mths. Once she's done, we're going to hang out and experience the NY acting scene, for oursleves...and the city. She's going to figure out living arrangements for us while she's doing the school thing. There are so many people who live there that we can rent a room from or, even better if she can score it, stay with for free. It's going to be a bit pricy but I figured that if we scrape by on fruit, yogurt and granola, to keep it cheap, we can use the cash for other shit. We can get all our food groups and still remain relatively healthy, while being able to afford staying there and working/partying. We can get some free meals too from all the nice people we meet there, during our little adventure. This is also going to be our trial 'see if we can hack living together' agrangement, b/c when we get back here it's moving downtown for both of us. I think if we got a three bedroom and another roommate we could break up any of the possible tension that could arise between us. There is always going to be tension, that's to be expected, so we can just throw someone else into the mix to sort of mediate a bit. If we both find the place, then we get to interview and choose the roomie. I know it can work. Plus, it's not like we'd be living together forever...it would just be until we book great parts and have to fly off to shoot on location somehwere...or until we meet some fool and decide to move in with them. So that's that!

Movie promoting went well yesterday. I love standing on the street and just talking to anyone who will listen. It's so fucking fun for me!! Plus, I got to hang out with one of the chicks that I didn't really like...she proved to be more enjoyable than I thought. It's nice to be proven wrong sometimes, and since it's been happening a little more than usual I think I'm learning something. It definately takes a while to dig deep and figure out the true intentions of a person. All it takes is stripping through layers and the time and care to do it. It's great for acting...b/c it's all a/b psychology.