Tuesday, May. 18, 2004, 9:17 a.m.: Feeling great...

I still haven't decided what to do with my girlfriend...the one who isn't being much of a friend right now. I came to the conclusion that the fact that she feels she can just dismiss her behavior, and me in the process, is highly offenseive. She may be queen of denial but to try to pull someone else into that web is completely unfair and selfish as hell. I shouldn't feel like I'm doing all the work to keep our friendship together. I shoudln't be the one always compromising and accepting her 'issues'. I don't want negativity in my friends and I'm going to try to stay away from it. I was thiking a/b how I'm not even excited to be a/r her, how I don't have fun when we go out, how she just drags me down with her attitude and constant obsessing and stealing of my energy. That's NOT a fucking good thing...it's a sign, if anything @ all. I figure since I'm upset with her for ignoring me, that I'm not in the mood to talk to her. I'll hold off until I feel I'm ready to broach the subject with her. In the meantime, if she comes to her senses and realizes that I deserve a phone call, instead of this avoiding of what transpired 2 weeks ago and what happens all the time with her, she can call me up and ask me what's wrong. Until I feel like talking to her though, I'm just going to clear my head and figure the best solution out...for both of us...me especially. So there you have it.

As far as my director goes [the one I thought I was having issues with], he calls me up today to schedule 'rehearsal' time with me. I don't see much of a point in rehearsing @ all b/c anything we do will not neccessarily be anything like what will come out of me on set. He's the director though, so I'm going to be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Then he mentions that he has a script for me and we should find some time to get together so that he can give it to me. Now, flash-back here to the other night on the phone where he was all condescending with me b/c he though I hadn't called him back fast enough, and he asked me if I had memorized my script yet. WTF is this guy going on a/b now?! They went over it once [in a 'rehearsal' that I legitimately missed] and he's saying I should have the script memorized?! I figured he was being a control freak a/b the situation, b/c I hadn't been there on his beckon call, and it seems I'm right b/c now he wants to 'meet' me to give me the script....the same script that I should have had fucking memorized by now, according to him Sunday night! I told him that I have it and will bring it with me to rehearsal and if that's all then I've got to get going. Fuck, like he couldn't email me the damn thing anyways?! I'm taking on this completely professional attitude now b/c I DON'T want to deal with any fucking funny biz. Come to think of it, Thursday I don't think we really need 3 damn hours to go over our scenes together. I want to bring somebody with me, preferably a boy, to breathe over his shoulder.

I went spinning yesterday and I did legs @ the gym. I've decided to add some more exercises to my program. I'm on a 4 week rotation with legs, and I get one week rest in between all my major body parts, but I find that certain things like inner thighs only get worked on once in a month. So I'm going to add inner and outer thigh to my work-out every week. It can't hurt to get those exercised once a week. It's going to make my time in the gym even longer but it's worth it for me. So I ended up being there for 3.5 hrs last night, which is a tad hard-core, but I feel really good today...like I accomplished something. That and the fact that I'm in a pretty fucking great mood too. Hope the feeling keeps up.