Monday, May. 17, 2004, 9:07 a.m.: Beauty...

I'm getting this feeling that I am going to have problems with the director of my latest project. I could be jumping the gun here but he called me up Saturday night to see when I was available for rehearsal. I was out so by the time I got his message, I thought it was too late to call him. The next day I called him up a/r 9pm, a/f my class, and he almost gave me a lecture...asking me why it took so long for me to call him when he had called me two days ago. I told him that no he had only called me last night. He finally believed me and admit to the fact that he was losing it, but he kept up this tone with me that I was NOT impressed with. He told me that he makes rash judgments a/b people based on the first time he meets them and that he had formed some a/b me already. I didn't like that comment either from him. All I'm saying is that if he gives me a hard time on set, I will walk off and leave him w/o a lead character and I don't give a fuck what he says a/b me afterwards. Some directors take advantage of their positions and I wont have that shit. NO WAY! I'm already getting the uncomfortable vibe. I just don't want it to hinder my performance. It could also be just miscommunication b/c I told the producer that I would not be available for the Sunday rehearsal, so maybe she never relayed that message to him and he thought I was slacking. That IS a possibility, so I will keep an open mind a/b this...for now. I'm going to be crazy busy though in the month of June, shooting this thing. I also got another part that I have to fit inbetween this project and the premiere of my movie. I'll have to miss the last screening of it b/c I will most likely be shooting the night of. A/f this stuff is done I'm going to take a break on filming so that I can concentrate on studying for my license. I have to take a test, come September, for another license I have to get here @ work and I haven't even picked up my text books yet. I've got to get on that shit otherwise I will be fucked for the exam. I only get 2 tries and the last try is in November. We all know how time flies by so quickly, b/f I know it I'll be in December again and I wont have even passed the test once. I have to study.

I had a great Saturday night with my boy. We went to see TROY which was such a fucking amazing movie. I haven't heard what the critics had to say a/b it yet, but it was beautifully done. I was engulfed in the story from begining to end. It had everything in it from love to revenge to honor. Every most passionate theme was in this story. I'm dying to see 'Alexander' now. I was talking to my Father a/b it yesterday, he studied history all through University, and he said that they could do spin off stories of so many characters that were in that movie alone. I'd have to say it was the best movie I've seen Hollywood produce but I will also say that I'm pretty bias b/c I would have loved to live during those times. Lived by my own rules though b/c women didn't have it very good back then [besides the clothes they got to wear] and that wouldn't fly with me. I would have been killed very early on, I'm pretty sure of it. It was so beautiful and awesome...I'd recommend it to anyone.

I'm still @ odds with how to deal with my negative girlfriend. She's tried to email me again this morning, as if nothing has happened. As if she hasn't been avoiding me for 2 weeks. I don't know what to do b/c I'm feeling very bitter towards her. I still don't feel like really talking to her. Any suggestions are welcome. We've been good friend's for a long time but I feel that I'm moving faster than she is in many areas and I don't want her to hold me back anymore. I'm also sick and tired of always doing what she wants to do and never having her do what I want to do. I know that sounds childish but that theme reflects in the little things just as it does in the big things. Friendship is suppose to be an equal give and take and I don't feel that from her. She's very selfish. I'm @ a place where I want people in my life who are growing with me, not trying to suck the life out of me.