Wednesday, Jan. 07, 2004, 11:00 a.m.: save my ass...

I had my first audition of the new year last night and it fucking sucked. I don't know if it was just that it was my first experience, in a long time, infront of people judging my performance or what? First, I felt like I was getting sick and then the panel ended up being a bunch of dead beats!! Okay, they laughed @ my monologue...which was good, but still. I really need to practise this whole 'auditioning for a play' thing. I mean, who knows I could get the part. It's usually the ones where you think you did terrible that they want you back for a call-back, but I think I'm getting better @ judging my own performance and on that account...I will probably not be getting a call-back. I still think I'm going to get sick soon. I don't know how much more my body can fight this?

I have to call my girlfriend soon. We haven't spoken since xmas. I got pissed @ her b/c she disrespected me on my b-day [never got a/r to dealing with it though] and she ended up getting pissed @ me instead. Anyways, she ignored me on new years and that made me even more angry b/c she was in the wrong and clearly was trying to make it look like I was to blame. I haven't called her yet b/c fankly I just don't feel like speaking to her but I know I will have to deal with it soon enough...like probably today. Fucking bull-shit! I'm beginning to notice that many of the people I have been close with a quite dysfunctional. Not to say I'm that close to being 'normal' myself but I want to be a/r people who can help me grow as a person not regress. Somebody fucking save me!!!!

<3 ~CAT~ xXx