Thursday, Apr. 24, 2003, 9:53 a.m.: stressing...

I kinda figured that when my father blew up @ me the other day, something was weighing on him. I'm fairly explosive and it takes a while to register that someone may be having a bad day, and that it isn't always personal. Of course, I'm nobody's fucking punching bag and so even though for a quick glimmer I felt he was having an off day...I was still pissed as hell. Today my mother calls me to apologize for my dad's behaviour and then proceeds to tell me a/b some of the stress in his life right now. Fair enough, but I was still dissapointed and angry. But, just now I was speaking with my father's long time assistant and she asked me if my dad's health was okay. It looks like he had gone for a check-up last week to his doctor, and the day that he flipped on me she had taken a message from his doc, asking him to call. Now today it looks like he's got an appointment with some specialist today. So now it seems that he may have some more stuff weighing on him...more so than what my sneaky lying mother is willing to tell me. I mean, how insulting is it when your parents treat you like you're fucking still 12 yrs old. It fucking infuritates me!!!!! That coupled with the fact that if something IS wrong with him, I'm going to freak and have a heart-attack. I don't know what the hell I would do, but I'm fairly sure it wouldn't be good. I wonder though, why he wouldn't tell me himself that he was in a bad mood...and apologize. I mean, it's quite obvious he is human and has feelings too. I don't know what his problem is. Again, it is something that just 'is as it is'.

I'm stressed now today!!! I initially don't feel the stress and then it just all comes out when I'm talking to people. I start getting overly sensitive a/b everything and I start to push people away. I need to get to the gym tonight for sure. I've got this audition tonight @ 4:30pm, and I'm crossing my fingers that I get back in time.

Love, CAT xXx