Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002, 8:40 a.m.: time is running...

I always get stuck in these twisted triangles. Me and two guys...I might as well just get a threesome out of it, but noooooo. It's gotta be bull shit drama and fucked up personality problems. Seriously, I'm so sick of this shit. 'nsnb' best friend has lost any shred of belief I had in him, even b/f I even had any...if that's possible. I never really trusted him for some reason. I was right. Like usual. Little boys... I'm gonna confront him, but I decided to do it in person and infront of 'nsnb'. Nobody goes and makes me look like a fool and gets away with it...no fucking way!

So things are back to normal again for me. I've grown up a bit you know. I refuse to fight the things I cannot change in the here and now, even though it takes some time getting use to letting things go. As I just relax and sit back, though, again I can see my paths opening up to me in so many different directions. Eliminate one thing from my equation and I have so many options again. I also have these feeling of destiny in my heart still...like I know things will work out the way I want them too. Some may say I'm crazy...I just know I'm aware.

It's funny how the ones who are the first to point out certain things in you are usually the ones who need the most work on themselves. That's what I've been noticing. It's a good thing I have the ability to be flexible in my life now. If I see something ligitimately awry that I want to correct a/b myself, I just get to work on it...sub-consciously sometimes. I feel for the people who are so rigid that they can't bend to anything that screw up their idea of a scheduled life. To each his own I guess.

Tomorrow I've got this audition to go to. It's an open-call and I have to get there @ 7am if not earlier, cause there will probably be a line-up. Tonight I have to make sure I know all my lines so that I can go and kick ass. Then on Saturday I have to go run a scene that I also need to memorize lines for, cause I haven't yet. It's a simple scene though, so it will be e-a-s-y. I'm running into all these conflicting problems with rehearsals. I have another one Saturday that I'lll have to be late getting to. Whatever...they can wait. Sunday I think I'll be meeting with the director who wants me to choreograph for his scene. I hope he gets me music too cause I need soemthing to get an idea from.

It's pay day today, which means it's time for me to finish my X-Mas shopping this Saturday. I have to get it finished...time is running out.

Love, CAT XXX