2002-05-28, 9:23 a.m.: live and learn...

So I'm in a shitty kinda mood cause my boy/room-mate is so annoyingly lazy a/r the place I'm ready to vomit in his face. I'm a clean freak, and not in a neurotic kinda way...just in a normal kinda clean freak way. HE on the other hand wouldn't give a fucking shit if the place was messy for a month. I mean, I have dishes piled up in my sink, no food in the fridge, and things are just scattered a/r everywhere. I have no time to deal with the mess right now and so I'm leaving it, which just kinda angers me more cause I hate to look @ it. I'm in a definate catch 22 here. Of course, you'd think the idiot would do something on his time off, but noooooo...it doesn't seem to cross his mind. On top of that I am a complete bitch when things are out of place a/r me. If my cut eye cuntiness isn't enough to get him to do some work there, then I don't know what is. Then when I'm mad I resort to insulting and degrading speach and I really hate to be throwing out negativity, but it breeds from the dirt and shit I see a/r me. Tonight I'm going to implode, explode...whatever...if it's still a mess. I know it's a/b compromise, but this is ridiculous. It's sad how every home I end up in I just want to get out of. I'm really beginning to believe that I was designed to live ALONE.

My acting class was a good release from the tension I felt @ my place. Fuck, that makes me so angry. The boy had a friend over, which seems to be the only thing, in there, that can get my mind of the shitty ass garbage I see a/r myself. Maybe I have high expectations for myself, people...but I don't think half (even over half, to all) of what I expect is unnatainable. I need some serious divine intervention here, to keep me level headed and sane. Since I AM divine I guess that shouldn't be too hard.

I've noticed that I've been going on a tad too much a/b this situation here. I needed to vent and now that I have, I will put it behind me and HOPE that when I get in tonight I will see a difference. If not, I will just have to resort to other means in order to deal. This will, though, have answered many of my questions a/b the future if I don't see a difference. Live and learn, live and learn.

I'm back @ the gym tonight and I can't wait to get out the rest of this feeling I have inside me.

Love, CAT XXX