Monday, Mar. 06, 2006, 1:18 p.m.: making peace...
I thought I should come in here and make peace with what happened last week. I know we have to work together, I do. It's just SO hard for me to take anyone else's opinion when I'm not asking for it. Call it one of my flaws, strengths, depends on which way you look @ it of course. I have a tough time seeing us as a team. It's something I have to work thru by myself. 'He's not against me...he's not against me.' I just have to keep telling that to myself. One day it will sink in. I love him so much. When I'm close to him I feel so safe. It's like I'm holding onto myself...if that makes any sense. It's just tough. I've never been in a healthy relationship so I still don't quite get it. I'm use to a whole other ball game. It's very foreign to me. For the first time in my life, I have someone who loves me unconditionally, who supports, who loves me like no other. It's a language I'm learning to speak with him now. Now, it really is a/b me, and us, and it's scary as hell. This is it. I've been called out...and now I have to deliver the goods, man.
We went over to ask my little cousin to be our ring-bearer this weekend. He said yes. Well, @ first he said no b/c he was embarassed. Then when his parents told him they were going to let his younger bro do it, he said yes. Funny kid...cute too. He was happy we asked him. I love that kid A LOT! He's awesome.
I had a mid-term on Saturday. I got 78% on the multiple choice questions. Then he gave us an essay question, but I don't know my mark for that yet. Damn lazer ass teacher tho. He still hasn't marked my research proposal and the thing is due @ the end of the term. Asshole! He told me to stop talking, in class, the other day. I was fucking mortified that he spoke like that to me infront of everybody, like I was in grade school. I rationalized to myself that he IS the teacher and it IS his class room. But if he tells me again to stop talking I'm going to tell him what's on my mind man. I'm a fucking adult, for fuck sakes. If I don't want to express my comments to the class I don't have to. That's my perogative. It's my nature to comment on things...and those comments may not even be important BUT for me they are. It' my choice whether I decide to bring it to the class publicly or not. So fuck him! I totally dispise him. This is the guy that doesn't let us bring drinks or food into class and lectures us a/b being late but then comes in 15 mins past 9 himelf. Loser.