Monday, Nov. 03, 2003, 9:56 a.m.: fuckers...
Too long...it's been too long since I've spoken to the boy. I got a bit upset with him on Thursday night when he decided to bail on me for a Hallowe'en party. He worked in the morning and he was exhausted, which is fine and absolutely valid. But, he could have blown someone else off for rest time instead of me and that's what pissed me off. Come the next day, he tried to reach me and ended up leaving this message on my phone that was barely audible. It was complete static and every once in a while his voice would pop in. I called him back but he didn't answer, so I just hung up. I figured if he really wanted to talk to me he would see my number and call ME back. Well, he never did and I don't even know what he said in his message for that matter. Then I called him yesterday a/f I was shooting all day and the ass still hasn't gotten back to me. He probably thinks I was being a bitch...meanwhile, back @ the ranch.
So I finished shooting this film and I booked two more in the process. I WANT AN AGENT THOUGH!!!! That's what I really need right now, and it's not that I 'need' it really b/c I am not completely dependant...well, maybe just a little. I want to be able to get shots @ real money making gigs. This is getting fucking ridiculous now!! Today I'm going to call back my first round of agents. I got 3 more rejection packages though this Friday, which depressed me even more. I don't get it you know. I love connection yet I am constantly being told that I am all alone in this world. What kind of lesson is that?! Really, it's not even the basis of human existence and yet it is always getting thrown in my fucking face. It drives me to fury!!! This fucker better call me soon!!!
Love, CAT xXx