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Thursday, Jul. 03, 2003, 1:29 p.m.: getting it together...

Computer's been busted all morning!! I sat here and made up for it by writing in my other journal. This time I hand wrote my thoughts and feelings. I find that there are many times when I don't fully express my deepest and darkest secrets...even here. When I write in my journal I know that nobody will be seeing that stuff. I think that's a safety net for me. I can't reveal all I want to on diaryland...it's just not possible. There are just some layers that cannot be peeled off yet. It's gotta be a natural progression, I guess. Some things cannot be exposed.

I feel like I'm in a sort of transition stage right now. It's a time when I have to retreat into myself again and take a good look @ what's been going on with me. I haven't done that in a long time. I'm the kind of person who needs to evaluate where my life is @ certain stages, otherwise I get caught up in this whirlwind of shit. Sometimes I get caught up in negativity and that's really not where I want to be. I probably sound so selfish right now. But, I'm always working on myself, trying to centre myself and mould into the person I want to be. I have to take control of who I am and how I choose to continue to evolve in this life. Cause w/o that awareness I'm very lost and chaotic. It's forever a battle, so I need to develop the discipline in order to do this through-out my life. I may not be lucky enough to have people a/r me always to guide me and help me out. I need to make sure I can do it for myself.

Love, CAT xXx