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Friday, Mar. 07, 2003, 9:13 a.m.: escape reality...

I had such a shitty ass class yesterday night. Okay, I am probably over-reacting a bit. I totally forgot a/b my relaxation technique. It was terrible, I felt like I was reading the lines instead of saying them. Totally out of my element...it just wasn't strong enough. I just wasn't there. I'm very critical of my work sometimes and this was a bad night for me. We must have done my scene 6 times, compared to my partner who did hers in 2 takes. FUCK!! I was completely depressed on my way home...not happy @ all. I went by my parent's place to check my e-mail and the damn computer was fucked up. So, I went back to my place and got on the phone for some comfort and contact. Master R called and gave me some good news. Turns out he's been asked to cast for the next audition I'll be going too. So hopefully he can find a place to put me. I think I fit a few of the profiles. Well, it turned out he had a terrible class too...so he heard me cry a/b mine and I listened to him bitch a/b his. It's very frustrating when I don't think I did a good enough job.

Drama came down on my head yesterday here @ work. Turns out my girlfriend, whose in Portugal screwing her boss, has not been very honest to me lately. She took off with him, to apparently be his aid while he's sick, b/c his wife was too much of a bitch to give a fuck. Well, I got a nice phone call from his wife asking me what the hell is going on with them. I was completely shocked, but I was very calm and collected on the phone with her. I sort of couldn't believe that she was really phoning me up @ work. I didn't give her any of the details that I knew b/c well, fuck I can't get involved and she is my friend. It doesn't matter if I don't agree with what she's doing...that really has no baring here. In the meantime though, I heard alot of the story from someone else's perspective. I heard what this guys been telling his wife in opposition to what my friend has been telling me. Now as far as I'm concerned I think my girlfriend knows full well everything that's going on with the wife, which would explain why she's been so damn distant with me lately. The last I had heard his wife was okay with the fact that my girlfriend was there to assist her sick husband. I got a really bad picture painted of this woman, of course. On top of everything, when the wife was talking to me I heard her baby cry in the background. I was like 'Fuck, whatever...I can't listen to this shit!'. I got of the phone soon a/f, and I told her that I have lost contact sort of over the last year with my girlfriend b/c she's been busy. Some bad shit is gonna go down...let me tell you.

Today I've got the call-back to headout to, where I'll be competing against my acting bud. I still feel a bit out of my element today still. I hope I can still kick ass there. I also had an audition yesterday night, b/f my class where I fucked myself huge, where I played the parts of two chicks. Two totally alternating roles...I wasn't very happy with those either. I was pissed! I did however have this amazing dream a/b Benecio Del Toro. I haven't seen him in my dreams in a long time...well, he was back in full force. And he was fucking amazing!

Love, CAT xXx