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Monday, Dec. 23, 2002, 8:56 a.m.: grateful...

I must say, this was one of the best birthday's I've had in a long time. By 5:30pm, Saturday, I was beginning to panic b/c peole were still calling me going 'I haven't heard from her yet'. 'Her', would be my best friend, who was setting the whole thing up for me. I started fuming, thinking I was gonna have to end up fixing it up last minute. Sure enough though, she got it ready in time and it ran smoothly. So we all went out to dinner and then out dancing a/f. All my best friend's were there to celebrate it with me, along with my sister. I know that each one of these people, and I, connect closely @ some level. It may not be perfect, but if you put them all together I think that's what makes it perfect for me. My ex best friend ended up leaving me a birthday wish on my phone. I haven't called to thank her for it and I'm not sure if I will. It's all going to depend on how I feel a/b having a big heart to heart right now with her. The 'ex' never ended up calling or contacting me @ all. I saw that one coming. My Dad was the first one over @ my Grandmother's Saturday morning to wish me. I thought that was really cool of him...made me happy. I thought, for sure, 'nsnb' would have been the 2nd person to call, but it turned out that he was the last person to call. I thought to myself, if he's not the second, he's gonna push it till the end of the day and then call me. I saw that one coming too. I wasn't as sad as I had anticipated and I didn't get as drunk as I thought I would either. Fuck! I felt drunker yesterday night @ dinner with my parents, drinking chocolate martinis. So it was good. I feel like alot of the negativity in my life has been expelled. Every day I feel stronger and stronger, more willing to love and be open. I can see my relationships with all the people a/r me changing, for the better. As strange as it is, I think that the ex not calling me was like a door closing for us. I mean, it's just our style to communicate w/o words, and I think he pulled this one off very well. We hear each other loud and clear. Thank you and good night!

So, it's two more days till X-Mas. I've finished all my shopping and done all my wrapping. Tonight I've got to go pick out an outfit that my Grandmother is suppose to be getting me. Tomorrow I'm going to visit some good friends for the holidays, and then Wednesday, it's the gathering @ my parents place. Even w/o the snow this year it feels good. Things are great in my life right now. I am truly grateful.