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2002-09-19, 9:40 a.m.: I done good...

The audition went okay. I was killer nervous and I was almost late getting there. I managed to pull into the parking lot just in time. I was freaking inside. I figured I'd try to use it to my advantage and put it towards my audition. I was still shaking when I went in to greet and meet the director. The producer was there from my first audition, but he didn't say a word to me. I just ignored it and put it off to the fact that we had already established a bond and he didn't want to fuck up my audition in any way. So apparently I was the only one chosen from the group for the firsty call back. I was told that it's me, up against the rest of the lot that they will be auditioning withing the next 2 days. My fingers are so crossed and I'm praying to the universe...let me tell you. I ready for both leads yesterday. In one scene he asked me to cry and I tried to bust a tear out. I had the emotion, but the tears were not ready to fall. I didn't get that part down, but in the end when they asked me to scream...I fucking pierced a scream out so high that they were stunned. All in all I think it went well. I mean, besides the fact that my obsessive mind caused me to run the audition over and over and over in my head a/f, it was good.

I went down to our local audition board and got 14 auditions for the upcoming months. I was a great day for posts. Then I had my second audition @ night where I had to do my monologue. The director asked me to read it in three other ways than I had presented it. Talk a/b fucking with your mind. I did it, but what you have to do is seperate the words from the emotions...cause the words weren't matching up to the emoton he was asking for @ some points. It was difficult, but the fact that I gave myself very little time to think it over helped me alot. While I was @ that audition...low and behold...guess who I see? New boy#1 just finished his and was in his car when he saw me walk by him. Talk a/b coincidences. So he stayed with me and prepared me for what they were going to ask me. Then we went out for a bit, talked, and got all horny with each other. He's so proper and image consciece (sp). We were making out @ his car cause I had to fucking feel his tongue in my mouth and he was very strong willed, I must say. I was impressed with how he managed to keep his composure and control what I was doing. He'd give in to me and then pull himself together again...I don't know, it turned me on that he kept stopping me, and then letting go again. He's one of those 'no public displays of affection' types. I, on the other hand don't give a fuck and I'm always trying to get someone whose like that to be more akin to my way. It was fun. I was on my bloody bitch, luckily, otherwise I woudn't have been able to stop myself. You know, it's fucked cause he turns me on in a different way than the usual guy. It's not a head over heels kind of surrender but it's something I can't explain really. I'm going to fuck his brains out!!!!