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2002-06-04, 9:45 a.m.: shitty dissapointments...

Fucking even computers are incompetent! System was down yesterday and I couldn't get to the site all day. Talk a/b an added stress factor. This damn thing has become somewhat of a life-line for me. My w/e wasn't too bad, I got to play with a bunch of 8 year olds @ my sister's birthday party. Talk a/b a highlight of the w/e. Gawd, to be 8 again.

Friday night I went with her to get some pictures taken...since I'm going to be away for her communion party. So HOT married guy is taking the pictures. Holy fuck! This guy made me fucking cream myself. He had the smoothest voice I've ever heard and the most amazing little cocky grin. Shit! I was in awe watching him. We talked for a bit and he does head shots so I'm going to go to him, for them. He can touch me and place me where ever he wants to.

The rest of my w/e was not too eventful. I sometimes hate discussing personal shit here so all I'm going to say is that it sucked. Sometimes my deep emotions need to stay right where they are...deep inside, until I choose to release them.

My acting class was dissapointing yesterady. I wasn't @ all prepared for it and it made me so angry to know that evryone was ahead of me in their scene. I feel like complete and total shit when I'm not completely prepared for something. It wasn't even that I procrastinated, it's just that I didn't fully understand what she was asking us to do. On top of that some of the preparation is so trivial. But, I know that it really helps develop the scene and feel the emotions so I'm going to have to bite the bullet, stop being so stubborn, and just do it. Let some adult direct me for once. Very hard for me to do...let me tell you. I always want to do it MY way, but My way isn't always the best way. I just have to accept that. I want to do well and I want to accomplish something...so fucking badly, I do.