Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004, 12:06 p.m.: proposal...

Wow, some things have changed on diaryland since I've been away. I haven't been updating again, as much, b/c I seem to be so busy with more acting stuff, work, and K recently that to take the time out to write in my journal here, sometimes escapes me. Things in my life have changed so dramatically over the last few months that I don't even know what happened to the days. I'm into this whole new realm of being and it's all so surreal to me. I now see the move out of this place more on the horizon. I feel it's going to be very soon that I take the plunge, in so many ways. My agent here doesn't seem to have the power to get me places, although my comment may be a tad premature. I've only been with her for a/b a month and I've only had one audition, but you'd think I would be going out much more. I thought I would! I'm going to send out my stuff again to all the agents I would like to be with, once I finish up my acting demo. I feel kinda like a traitor but I'm antsy and I need someone who has some pull in this industry. I guess I'll just play it by ear tho b/c it could take forever for me to sign with anyone else...it's been so dead here this past year.

Ultimately the plan to go to LA is going to have to be the answer. I'm not going to be anything here, unfortunately. I HAVE to go where the money is made and where I can actually get myself seen. I give myself a year and then both K and I will be in LA. We decided we have to set up a moving fund so that we can be prepared to go and live down there, for @ least a year, and be covered for $$. Until we got things moving and we're working and going with the new flow, we want to be somewhat comfortable. It's a huge step and one that is totally neccessary. Who knows what will happen within that year, in regards to the biz here...maybe it will pick up and that would be great. I could get cast for some major movie that's Canadian funded and could get my break. Anything is possible but I'm NOT counting on it. In other news, I now have a fiance. K and I are engaged and plan to marry. It feels like I've known him all my life and we connect @ such a profound level, that this felt like the next step. I now have this beautiful ring on my finger from him. I told him tho that we would not be telling anyone in my family until we've been together for a year. They're already making a huge deal out of our relationship as it is...if they knew this they would freak out. So I figure it's better for all parties involved to just keep it quiet. My friends get to hear a/b it tho. I love the fact that I still don't feel any different than I did yesterday. @ first I was expecting to feel so over-joyed and excited, like you think you should...but in realirty I knew this was coming. I had a feeling going over to his place last night, it being our anniversary [and a full moon], that he was going to ask me. He's talked freely b/f a/b wanting to spend the rest of his life with me already b/f. I guess in a way it feels like I'm walking a familiar set path, one that was made for me. How quickly things can change huh?