Thursday, Oct. 14, 2004, 11:10 a.m.: Superman...

Okay I am starting to get very frustraetd here!! I have had my agent for all of 3 weeks and I have YET to be even called in for an audition. That is a huge piss off!! I have to start getting some fucking work soon so that I can get into the union. That is my main goal right now. I'm totally @ a loss right now and I don't feel like there is a way to get a/r this or even give myself some peace of mind. Somebody help me!!! I mean, it's all great that I'm planning this LA trip but w/o being a member of our union here, I'm almost nothing there. And I know it's all a/b timing and shit like that and maybe this just isn't my time, but fuck!! Well I don't want to jinx any of the positives in my life right now so I'll just accept this whole bull-shit that's going on here and understand it as my destiny.

I found out recently that my new boy love has a degeneartive diease that there is no cure for. Luckily he can't die from it or anything, but it reminds me of how precious and fragile we all are. Just watching him deal with life and his daily situations, makes me love him even more. Knowing that he has such a positive attitude a/b everything really inspires me...he is such a wonderful person. Fuck, I love him!! Did I tell you I loved him already?! I'm such a suck...I get so sentimental. The down and dirty is that we connect sexually in a way that we never have b/f with anybody else...it's awesome. He's always hot for me and all he has to do is look @ me with his gorgeous eyes, or breathe in my ear or something, and I start to get wet. He truly is my soul mate, in every respect. He instictually is my match.

You know that I've been in such a life blur that I didn't even realize that Christopher Reeves died a few days ago. Fuck, that guy was my hero! I'm surprised though that I didn't hear more a/b his death. Am I alone on this thought here? I could be bias though, since I haven't had a chance to really watch any tv recently. It's too bad...I was almost sure that he would actually walk again. We were talking a/b it last night...even with all that money and support, he couldn't keep himself alive. That's a scary as fuck thought.