Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003, 9:05 a.m.: fast forward...

What in fucks name does too intense mean? When someone says you are too intense...what the fuck are they saying? Personally I think intense has great connotations in my mind. I guess for the weak of heart, intense is a bit too scary...fucking pussies. I love it and I'll stand by it till the day I die, b/c intense equals passion and passion equals life and living. It's fire and progression and movement and everything that can surpass your wildest fantasies. That is was intense is too me. Can I say anymore a/b it right now? Who cares! That's beautiful enough for me!

I've been getting up much better since our big time change. Everyone makes such a raucous a/b losing one hour of sleep but I've since been getting up feeling awesome. Maybe my body would be happier getting up @ 6 instead of 7am normally? It seems that way. I got out to the gym last night and did a full work-out. What a relief! I did push a bit too hard though, cause @ the end I had that ready to pass out and puke feeling. It was good though...I quickly got into a hot shower and felt 100x better. It was funny b/c people were talking to me and I was quite delirious. I must have looked hilarious attempting to engage in coherent conversation with everyone.

I've come up with another plan of attack with regards to getting work (paid work) w/o an agent. I'm just going to ship out my head-shot and resume, with a letter, to the local C.D.s in town. Since I'm self-represented right now, I have to work for my damn self...that's just the end of it. Some people say it's 'frowned' upon, but others have actually gotten work going this route. So I say 'fuck yea, I'm gonna do it for sure!'. If nobody is ready to rep me, right now, I have to take matters into my own hands. Plus, I believe that, while there are rules in place I can slither my way a/r and through them. I don't have to corrupt the structure of things but I'll try whichever way possible to enter this business from all angles. The first one has not been working out for me so far...and I am impatient. I know it will come in time, but while I'm waiting I might as well give it a shot. I wont be harassing anyone a/b it, I'm just dropping off a resume. I may have to come up with a slightly more solid plan of attack though. I mean, maybe I should find out who is casting for what first and then submit the resume. All I know is that summer is usually busy and the summer is fast approaching.

Love, CAT xXx