Friday, Feb. 07, 2003, 10:22 a.m.: interesting night...

I really love it when I'm working on a scene or material for an up-coming production. The whole process is just so amazing for me. I get excited a/b delving deep into myself and pulling out a character to presen. I rush @ the thought of interacting with others through unreal circumstances, where real feelings and emotions can be easily and readily expressed w/o worry. Cause whatever happens in the scene, while it may be deep and highly emotional in the script, is really just light hearted and fun. @ the end of the day none of it has 'really' happened and yet for me so much has happened. So my partner for this scene study class is the bubbly, talkative, 37 yr old nurse who looks like Heather Locklear (sp). I was hoping we'd get a really emotional scene to play out. Something deep and dark and crazy, but we got this sister scene to do from 'Sex, Lies, and Videotapes'. It's still cool though! She has alot of energy in her, but it's not directed anywhere...it's just flailing a/r everywhere. She was very nervous too and she kept thinking everyone was judging her. I'm so thankful that I got over my 'worry' over what people think of me in certain given situations. It can totally distract you and it's in no way beneficial. That's why I say 'Fuck everyone and their judgements and opinions of me' (if they even have them). It doesn't matter to me and I should have no care a/b it. My opinions of people in general are usually light hearted and based on a highly active imagination. My opinions of what certain people hold in their hearts is based on my instinct and then backed up with facts that present themselves along the way. It sounds very mechanical and I guess in a sense it is. It's like this instinct that has been developing itself along the way and I'm not even completely conscious of it. Only when I think a/b it can I articulate it. I spend alot of time pondering human behavior and psychology and stuff like that...it's so interesting to me.

I got paid yesterday and i deposited my chk and I have like no money left already, practically. The money I put in my savings is dwindeling down too b/c it's paying for classes, pics, and shit like that. Thursday I am picking up 100 of my best smiling shots from my contact sheet. I'm going to send them out to agents for my first round of submissions...see what I can get or attract. I've got my two monologues that I can really dig deep into b/c I am so familiar with them. I figure I'm just going to concentrate on those and perfect them to no end. Eventually, like I've said b/f, I want to add two more to my memeory but I'll save it for later. Yea, so that's it for now!

Lovem CAT XXX