Tuesday, Dec. 03, 2002, 9:24 a.m.: something to think a/b...

I lost yesterday's entry and just didn't feel like re-writing it...or even trying to fester up the feelings again. Alot happened for me over the w/e. I had a long talk with 'not so new guy' (well he did most of the talking) and he brought to the forefront of my mind and out into the open that I'm still wounded from my past. I mean, I knew all this...I guess I just didn't want to be so aware of it you know. I thought I could kinda get away with hiding, but this guy's a tad too perceptive. He brought up alot of shit that made me think a/b what it is I really wanted and why I did the things I did and why I couldn't be honest and open a/b certain things. Completely blew my mind...I was stunned into silence and deep thought. As he spoke I was looking into the face of someone I never thought I'd meet. The next morning when I woke up, I opened my eyes and tears started rolling down my face. But, they were tears free from hurt or loss...they were just beautiful tears of release and renewal. It was fucking strange. I haven't quite felt the same since...something is different.

Friday, the performance went well. We had a full crowd and apparently I did my part better than I had ever done it in rehearsal. So that was a complete bonus!! We all went out to a bar, a/f, where I danced for 4 hours straight filling my inbetween time with alcohol. For a 'sports' bar, I had an awesome time. This Friday it goes up again and then we're done. Then it's onto something else...something new to wrap my head a/r. I can't wait, cause I'm feeling bored.

Everyone's god damn sick a/r me and I'm trying my hardest not to catch it. I've been literally eating raw garlic to ward off the disgusting shit. Raw garlic with olive oil and vinegar, of course. It's been working so far. Oh, and it's freezing out too...like crazily freezing out.

Love, CAT XXX