Thursday, Mar. 02, 2006, 9:46 a.m.: wedding woes...

'this is how it works'-WARNING...don't EVER fucking say these words to me and not expect a punch in the face. I HATE HATE HATE when this phrase is used. K likes to say it when we're in an argument and he's trying to assert his authority and you know what he gets? ...YUP, you guessed it [or @ least a reaction on the like, in some form or another].

The wedding is approaching FAST. We're arguing a/b stupid things, and we both have VERY strong personalities, so it can get terrible and annoying. I really hate having to discuss every little matter with someone else. It drives me mad sometimes. Another thing I'm not liking, is the fact that I have to compromise now and actually take someone else into account. Is this what marriage is a/b man?! I don't like this shit! And I don't quite know how to get over it. This is tough stuff, merging two lives together. I'm also having huge issues with the whole patriarchal design of the man and the woman. My man is very strong, and I love that a/b him, BUT, he has this idea that he's suppose to be the dominant one in the relationship. So this leads to countless arguments b/c I fucking HATE feeling like I'm being told what to do or how to do it. He always thinks he's right and I always think I'm right...and BAM...chaos ensues. We're fighting right now over what we should pay our performers @ the wedding. Each of them agreed to perform for us for free. Plus, they're friend's of ours too. Now, I don't think they need to be paid @ all BUT if we were to give them something [as a thank you] then I think $100 should be the max, for each of them. We've got 3 performances-dancers, a violinist, and a pianist. They're staying for the wedding party too. I'm so pissed b/c he's seems to think I'M being unreasonable, and/or selfish, by not wanting to give them something [or anything @ all]. As far as I'm concerned, their performance is OUR wedding gift from them. Why should we have to pay them??? Other than to say a thank you...and that's still pushing it. My girlfriend is donating almost ALL of our flowers, out of her own fucking pocket, as our wedding gift. I don't see us talking a/b paying her money as a thank you. Seriously now...WTF?!!? He needs to shut the fuck up!

Now after all this negativity, do I have anything nice to say today? Nope. I'll have to get back to you tomorrow. Maybe then I'll be in a better mood a/b this crap. Tedious I know, but stressful all the same.