Thursday, Nov. 25, 2004, 10:05 a.m.: caught...

Yesterday was interesting. K caught me playing with myself here @ work. I felt like a kid with my hand stuck in the cookie jar!!! He didn't walk in on me or anything, but I took a washroom break yesterday to 'take care of biz' and he happened to call @ the same time. It took me a while to get back to him and he apparently got this premonition that I was playing with myself. So when I called him back, he asked me. 'Have you touched yourself today?'. @ that moment I felt like I had been caught doing something wrong, so I lied and said no. He kept pushing the topic though and we got into a full out discussion a/b it. In the end he asked me if I would always be open with him a/b everything and I felt so guilty that I had felt the need to lie a/b THAT, of all things. So I confessed and told him the truth. He said he knew I had, that he got the feeling that I did. I felt like an ass for lying to him in the first place, but I actually felt like I had been cornered and put on the spot. It's so indicative of how I see him, in that very authoritative/dominant role b/c I felt I had to hide my pleasure from him. It was just instinctual, b/c normally he makes me feel so free sexually. Not inhibited and confined like the insecure men I've been attached to have in the past. Our session last night was extra HOT though. I kept thinking a/b how he had caught me in the act and he was so reved up with the idea in itself. It was amazing!!!

We tried to watch 'The Day after Tomorrow', which was a good movie, but I kept wanting to sleep. When we're lying in his bed and I'm on his chest, my brain thinks sleepy time. That's usually how we sleep, him on his back with his arm a/r me and me with my head on his chest. I swear our bodies were designed to fit every nook and cranny of the other one's. No matter what position we put ourselves in, we somehow just fit...and it's comfortable. As soon as the movie got turned off I was up and ready to go. I still want to watch the movie tho...it looked really interesting.

I got up @ 6am again this morning to go to the gym. I had to do shoulders and legs today. Tonight I have to miss spin b/c we need to tape the radio show. We wont be here to do it live on Friday. We've planned to leave for his parents place during the day tomorrow. We'll go to Montreal first, where he was born, and then we'll go to see his parents in Ottawa. I think he wants to take a picture outside of his hospital. Turns out my aunt and uncle will also be in Montreal, visiting family, and my aunt wants me to stop by to see her...but, we're going to be busy, AND it's our anniversary, so we're going to pass. We'll be @ their place Tuesday night anyways for my little cousin's b-day.

I've got an audition scheduled for 10.30am tomorrow morning. It's for a commercial. I find it so hard to memorize dialogue that isn't really two people talking. I have to have it down tho by tonight...I don't want to have to use my paper to read off of. Ijust practised it again and I seem to be getting the hang of it. I like to visualize what I'm memorizing so it's tough with this shit. Well, wish me luck! It would be nice to get a pay-chk soon from this 'supposed' career.