Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2004, 9:32 a.m.: psyche...

Why does it have to be so cold? It makes me want to cry. I mean, it's not even the end of August and it feels like fall already here. NYC was much fucking warmer than this...it was scorching in comparison! There's a rumour going a/r that September and October are going to be our warm months. I would love if that was the truth. When I went to the psychic, one of the things she said to me was that I will live by the water. Water heals me and I need the sunlight to balance my moods. That's exactly what she said and that's totally how I am. So, I've decided that I want to live somewhere warm, no hot, by the ocean. Don't know where that will be yet but I've got a funny feeling I'll be finding out sooner than later. I caught this terrible chest cold while I was there in NY though. The heat and always walking made me sweat constantly and then I'd get onto a freezing cold subway, so I think that started to get to me. I still have this awful cough right now, remnants of the city I loved so much. I bought a package of zinc lozenges but they don't seem to be helping all that much, or @ all rather. I still haven't noticed any difference in the way I sound. It was funny how my cough came to fruition in NY. I was feeling the tickle in my throat and my chest was beginning to hurt, but I had yet to experience the hacking that I've since been graced with...fuck. So, for the last few days that I was there I started taking pilates, yoga and I even got to do some spinning. While I was in a yoga class, during the relaxation exercise, I strated to cough almost uncontrollably. The instructor came over to me and said that it was very common for 'this' to happen during a class b/c the exercises open up all your passage ways and begin to rid you of impurities. Sure enough, ever since that day the cold was in full force and my body has been trying to flush it out ever since. I enjoyed the yoga and pilates. I use to hate any kind of slow exercise b/c I thought it was so boring but I've gained a new appreciation for the whole relaxation and meditation involved in those types of classes/exercises. I think, if anything, I need to learn how to relax more so than I need to get myself all wound up. So, I've added a new thing to MY repetoire...if that's what I can call it. This is all part of my plan to take more time for me, really getting to know myself through quiet time with my mind.

I went over to see a girlfriend of mine last night. She made dinner and we drank wine and caught up on all the gossip in each other's lives. I drank a little too much wine though. I tend to drink so fast that I'm on my second glass while everyone is still enjoying their first. I don't know how to savour wine like I do my food. Everyone has their vices, I suppose. Once we finsihed eating we spent a good hour or so in her hot tub, soaking up the heat and talking a/b our crazy dreams. It turns out that we all come up with some pretty strange ass shit in our sub-conscious. It was interesting to hear. I always think my dreams are the most gruesome though and, judging by what I've been hearing from people, my assumptions have been right. Unless people are afraid to really tell the juicy stuff, in fear of sounding like 'psychos'. I find it all fascinating though so I choose to share. The human psyche really intigues me.

I'm reading this new book that I just bought. It's called 'The Alienist' and it's a/b a series of terrible murders that occurred in NYC in the 1900's. The Alienist is the psychologist who is in the process of figuring out who the serial killer is by following his patterns and finding his motive through the sick way he kills his prey. I figured my mind needed some stimulation and maybe it would cure my dreams. I'm fading into the truly dark side of the psyche. It's strange though b/c I've begun to feel much more calm and @ peace with things/myself and yet this is where my mind tends to trail off to. I guess it's safer this way. This is partly why I love acting...my insatiable love for travel into the deranged human psyche. Gotta channel it somewhere.