Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2004, 1:24 p.m.: only...

So here's my GOOD news. I spoke to an agent yesterday afternoon. This guy is awesome, everytime I've spoken with him he's been so cool. He was suppose to come out to see my movie and told me to call him Monday to chk up on how he liked it. So I did, thinking he may have come by. Turns out he didn't get a chance to, but he wants me to set up a meeting with him and bring in my tapes so he can take a look @ my work. That's always a great sign...so I'm crossing my fingers and praying that it all works out for me. I've been searching for an agent for so long now, it's a/b time I get one. He also owns one of the biggest agencies in the city, with alot of pretty prominent working US actors on his roster. Definately someone I would want to sign with. The other great thing is that all the big agencies still have my packages, so there's still hope there too. So, if anyone is listening, please pray to whomever will listen...for me.

I was in spin class last night and @ the end one of the instructors walks in and goes, 'Hi, Mary!'. Mary is the name of the characetr I played in the movie that was just premiered, so I thought she had come out to see me in it. I was wrong, she had a newspaper clipping of me, promoting myself and the movie and she was reading it out loaud to everyone. She now wants to put it into the gym newsletter. I've got not probs with that, more promos for me...I'm cool with it.

The only thing I'm worried a/b now is that if I do get signed with an agent, I probably wont be able to go to NY for a whole month anymore. I mean, I can ask and see if I can do it still but I would suspect that they'd want to get me out auditioning right away...get me seen and shit. I guess I can try a two week trip instead too...we'll see. I just decided I would take it as it comes from now on. I only have as much control over things here that I want. See I've come to the conclusion that with the right manipulation we can all get what we want, no matter what it is. And I mean 'manipulate' in a good way. The trick is figuring out what it is that we want that will really serve a purpose for ourselves...better ourselves and bring us happiness in some way. So self-awareness is actually the most important thing to develop. It's tops on the list of the needs of us as human beings. Makes so much sense too. I also think our needs change as we grow, so we must be able to identify them @ their different stages. W have to be honest and aware of what we need as opposed to what we want. It all goes back to 'everything happens for a reason' and 'we are exactly where we need to be'. All that stuff makes sense b/c we need every trial and tribualtion we encounter...they take us to a higher ground and better understanding of the world, us, people...if we're able to be open to the lessons. That's hard in itself though. We are only human and humans are fucking flawed to no end. We're in constant battle with ourselves, we make life only to kill it, we need to know darkness in order to know the light. I don't know where I'm going with this but I think it has something to do with yin and yang...bad coinciding so closely with good...shit like that. Irony being so apparent in life...and understanding the fact that if I have to stay here to start auditioning, I wont make a big deal a/b it b/c it's what needs to be done for the moment. NY can wait for another time. I will still try for the 2 week thing though. Like I said, we're only human...