Tuesday, Apr. 06, 2004, 9:44 a.m.: lost...

Well I aparently have this instinctual reflex that comes out during my improv class. See what happens when you take class with people you know, who are more than willing to give you their two cents. Of course, someone else's impression of you always [or sometimes] is totally opposite to what you were feeling/thinking @ the time. Now I was warned by my boy, that he and his friend were going to be serious shit disturbers in the class and that I was going to be a target. So naturally everytime his buddy would 'conveniently' come to me, during a game, I would make this face b/c I knew I was a/b to be challenged. This happened a/b 5 or 6 times b/c he just kept coming up to me. I was however, informed that it looked like I thought I was too good for him and his silly antics, which was not my intention @ all. Now I'm all fucking paronoid that I'm giving off this mightier than thou attitude, which really I don't fucking care a/b. I mean, the more you get to know me the more you'll realize that that is not the case. But, I don't want it to hinder my performance or my connection with my class. So I have to stop it and just get on with it. It's both a good and a bad thing that he's in that class with me. I think he was saying something a/b trying to get bumped up into a higher level class b/c he didn't feel that he could benefit from most of the students there. Now who's the one who really thinks he's mightier than thou?! Anyways, he can leave b/c I can't stand watching him a/r other women. Even ugly chicks get me going, it's really fucking annoying. [That sounds so fucking shallow!! She wasn't even ugly.] Point being, it wouldn't matter if she had two heads. I am definately my own worst enemy, I tell you.

Tonight I have to finish reading my play, brainstorm for 2 hrs a/b my character, and memorize two pages of it for tomorrow night. A week flies by so fast I don't even know where it's gone, or where it's going. Since that time change I've been so tired in the mornings too. I have to adjust to the new schedule soon b/c it's getting ridiculous. This morning I woke up @ 8am, jumped out of bed, got dressed and flew to check my emails and get to work. I usually get up @ 7am. I wish someone would change this damn clock in here though, it's still reading an hour behind. It's too high and I can't reach it, that's whay I haven't done it myself yet.

Did I mention that I lost two of my favorite rings on the weekend. I forgot them in the washroom when I went to wash my hands. Just writing a/b it is infuriating me. Everytime I would think a/b it I would feel this rage rising inside me that I'd have to stop my thought dead. It was such a strange reaction to a couple of lost rings, but it really effected me. Anyways, I'm now in mourning so I'm not wearing anything on my fingers for a week...maybe two, we'll see how I feel next week. So pissed!! I can just imagine some bitch walking a/r with my kick ass blue ring, the one my Father bought me for my b-day, on her nasty ass finger. Bitter you say? Yea, so what?!

<3 ~CaT~ xXx