Tuesday, Dec. 23, 2003, 9:24 a.m.: bday fall out...

Well, it's official... I'm an addicted. No, not really but I was @ the gym yesterday and it does turn out that I need to do 2 classes now to get the desired endorphin rush that I use to get when I started out. Means my fitness level has gone up, but it also means that I have to spend 2hrs in the gym everytime I go now. It's cool though...I can handle it. I had noticed, in the last couple weeks, that I would leave the gym and still feel tired if I only took one class. I knew I was going to have to up my intensity soon enough and yesterday just proved that to be true for me. Mind you, my body was shocked to shit but also very energized. I had a late dinner with a girlfriend of mine...we exchanged bday/xmas gifts and I wound down with her. It's been a while since we've gotten together and spent time like we use to...so it was nice. It had been almost 2 years since I had seen her new place. We had a falling out a while back and have since reconciled, but I've been out of her loop for a while now. Anyways, I got very little sleep last night...maybe 5 hrs and today is so dark out it looks like it's evening still. Clouds and rain, but it's 5 degrees. No snow for us yet this xmas.

So just to update...my birthday went well this w/e. All my closest friend's were there to celebrate with me @ some point or another. I had a bit of a scene go on, Friday night, with one particular girlfriend who I now must confront a/b the whole thing. It's obvious that there is already tension there between us b/c she's refraining from calling me already...which is fine with me. To sum it up, I think she got jealous @ the fact that I was with a group of some of my old friends and she must have become insecure a/b it, b/c she started to become slightly abusive towards me. I went along with it as to not make the night more awkward for anybody than it was already turning out. I saw looks from a couple of the girls there b/c they were stunned @ her behavior. Mind you, she had been drinking but that's no excuse as far as I'm concerned. In fact that just makes it worse for me. So she crossed a line that completely offended the fuck out of me and I had this terrible feeling everytime I saw her this past w/e. I didn't even want to be a/r her but I forced myself to try the best I could b/c we had plans. So short of ruining my whole w/e I left it alone but I feel that it's something that has to be dealt with. She had no right to act the way she did towards me and I'm not happy @ all. A line was crossed Friday night and it will never be crosed again, if I have anything to do with it. I cannot stand to be a/r addicts and I am beginning to see her as just that. I refuse to be a/r that type of behaviour and I am very passionate a/b it. Nobody treats me like that!... let along puts there hand on me.

Sunday, 'the boy' showed up to my bday lunch...as a surprise. He felt my tension and began acting strange towards me. Of course I didn't realize that he had noticed my awkwardness towards my girlfriend and he took it personally, like I was upset that he had shown up. That couldn't have been further from the truth though b/c he was a perfect balance for me that day. I don't know what I would've done if he wasn't there.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx