Wednesday, Dec. 17, 2003, 9:57 a.m.: hop to it, fuck...

My heart is racing! ;)

I may be in a sensitive mood today. I was in a mood last night too. Actually, come to think of it, I've been in a strange mood all week. You'd think PMS would be over...doesn't the P stand for 'pre'?! I'm feeling agressive and volatile...like a volcano a/b to erupt. I had someone very close to me, make a comment last night that sent me sort of over the edge. Thinking back to it, it may not have been meant to sting but it did. Luckily, I didn't blow on the phone. Instead my line cut out and I decided to just end the conversation there. Of course, I'm still angry inside and I need a really good work-out. A 6 hr fucking session would help too...top it all off for me. Melo-dramatic, sure...call it what you like. I feel pain and it hurts and I hate it, but it's how I react. I read something the other day; it said some shit like chose how to respond to negativity and NOT how to react to it. I thought it was great advice [thinking a/b it now though blurs it's meaning for me], but to remember that shit is the heat of a moment. Fuck, as much as I would not like to believe, I am only human. It's a shame really.

Today I'm doing my last round of agent calls. I haven't been in the mood to deal with the rejection lately and I've been putting it off. Maybe not the best thing to do, but I have compassion for my mood swings. Wouldn't want to drop me lower than neccessary. Of course, I'm still not ready to deal with the rejection but I HAVE to make the calls today. Different variable...different equation. I heard they're going to be shutting down shop for the holidays soon, so I'd better just do it now. Gotta mail those letters too. I'm gonna do that right now actually.

<3 ~CAT~ xXx