Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2003, 11:05 a.m.: high...

It's been another w/e of shooting. I'm only here @ work today until 2pm, then I have to go back up to boonieville to finish up again. We're filming in this old house that was built in the 1700's. Like I said b/f it is suppose to be haunted. I walked into the front hallway when I got there and I felt thic cold chill run through me. It was eerie, but I wasn't sure if it was just the idea I had put in my head a/b that whole haunted business. Then I asked the woman who owns the place a/b her haunting stories and she said that one morning she woke up to see a figure of a woman standing beside her. She also said that a picture in the front hallway always pops off the wall when a prescence is there. Today we will be shooting in the room where she saw the woman 15 years ago...should be interesting.

I'm going through my stage where I hate the taste of food. I literally have to force myself to eat in order to get my nutrients. Fuck, I hate it!! I don't know what starts it...must be some sub-conscious bull-shit that makes my psyche tell my body it wants to starve. Usually if I'm depressed I don't eat so it's probably something like that. My tits have been growing and I know it could be b/c I've gained some weight. Either that or my drinking of milk is helping!!! When I started high school and I decided that I wanted to try to kill myself by starving to death, I would know when to stop eating when I felt my tits grow. It could be a backlash from those days. I'm also in my adrenaline mode again...not quite sure why. I have this theory that I get this way when I have some feat to accomplish. Again, my sub-conscious prepares my body by upping my energy out-put. I also tend to have obstacle dreams a/r the same time too, usually setting this whole charade off in the first place. I'm just praying that I don't crash hard from this. I'm also not positive a/b what the goal is that needs to be over-come or conquered here. Oh, I have GREAT news re: the agent thing. A friend of mine who is signed with one of the biggest talent agencies in the city, invited me to his agents b-day party. Casting directors, othe agents, and actors will be in attendance. He knows I need an agent and he said he'd help me out, so I hope that this turns out. Crossing my fingers here. Wish me well everyone!!!

Love, CAT xXx