Thursday, Nov. 06, 2003, 9:21 a.m.: working it out...

Today is another depressing day. First I found another package, returned to me this morning, @ my parents house. Not only was it another rejection, but it happened to be from one of the agents I was most counting on. I knew people, had worked with people, that she reps and I had stated that in my letter. Mind you, for all I know she may not have even read my letter. It's getting to the point where I'm beginning to think that my agent search is going to leave me empty handed this time a/r...again. I had made this goal though that I would be represented by the time I was 26. I'm going to be turning 26 this December and it's not looking like anytime soon I'm going to get lucky here. I think my whole 'I can do it myself!' approach is a tad infantile. I'm going to have to start listening and looking and asking for others to help me. I was stupid to delude myself, but I guess I was...'cutting off my nose to spite my face'...as the saying goes. I'm stubborn, what can I say?! Stupidly stubborn...maybe so. Whatever.

Another piss off this morning was that my oil light has been flashing on my car for a couple days now. I had originally thought it was the windshield washer fluid light coming on, until this morning I found it to be the light that really should not be coming on. I have to go for a hair appt today too so I've gotta get that topped up pronto. I shouldn't be driving @ all with it like that. I need that thing to survive @ least until I finish paying it off! Imagine...how sad would that be? It busting up b/f I even finsih getting my payments out. Fuck, I'd be so pissed.

I found out yesterday, @ a rehearsal for this project I'm shooting this w/e, that we are filming in a haunted house. How exciting is that?! Apparenty it's a man who walks the halls, but they haven't seen him in a while. Maybe our being there will stir him again. I'm not sure how I would react to seeing an apparition but I do know that I am fascinated by it. I think I'd be in awe...as long as he's not a bastard or anything. @ the same time, maybe this woman who owns the place is just saying this shit to garner up attention and business. It is a bed & breakfast a/f all.

It looks like we've got some other family members who are trying to help and get my Uncle into a community home...some place for addiction. I think that's the best thing for him. He should be a/r others who are struggling to stay sober...it wouldn't make him feel so alone. I hope it works out...as best it can...for him.

Love, CAT xXx