Tuesday, Nov. 04, 2003, 10:56 a.m.: depress me...

I'm getting a little fed up with some of the people in my life that are suppose to be my friend's. I don't know why it happens that soem people who haev nothing to do with my current industry seem to understand the dilemna I face and feel when I stress a/b not finding an agent. Others however have no sense of empathy or even common sense, for that matter. I mean, I realize that I can't be depressed a/b it for long but a little compassion in the grieving stages would be appreciated. It pisses the fuck out of me. I have almost endless patience for stupid obsessive compulsive disorders b/c I also have compassion. @ the same time I know when enough is enough and I assert my opinions and decisions based on that. If 'I' am getting tired of hearing something, it is most definately b/c it has been going on for too long. But tohave someone who is a good friend of mine blow off my upset and moody behavior and tell me to basically get over it when I have barely uttered a word is fucking absurd and rude as hell. Selfish and egocentric is what I call that!!! Oh and lets not forget immature and childish. Fuck!!

I called back soem agents yesterday and it looks like I sent out my packages @ the WRONG time. It's so slow and nobody is expanding right now...especially in my age range. I just have to hope that someone puts a good word infor me @ their agency and that gets me in. I'm starting to hate the fact that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over this biz. Really, you cannot do anything to make something a definate..in my sphere right now, @ least. It'so based on coincidence that it makes you want to just cry and cry and cry. The only good thing a/b it is that the rejection you face is not personal. I guess eventually you can begin to understand it that way, but the reality of it is that is has nothing what-so-ever to do with you...per se. Anyway, just keep pushing on forward...that's all I can do. The really depressing time comes when you look @ the big pic and realize that you're only one mini step into achieving the ultimate goal.

Love, CAT xXx