Friday, Jul. 04, 2003, 8:52 a.m.: recovery...

I had my last acting class last night. It'll be my last time seeing my wonder teacher until the end of summer. I ended up having a great class. When I went up to do my scene he was praising me to high heaven. I felt sort of like 'teacher's pet' there, as he was talking to me. I made sure to just take in what he was saying to me, which still remains the same. 'I'm great @ delivering my actions, but I need to work on my intake of what's being thrown @ me by my partner'. In other words, I need to fully experience the here and now...which is something that I know I have a problem doing in my every day life. See I realize that any defense I use in life will transcend over into my acting...or rather, my 'being' fully in a scene. So, I tend to thwart away things that can hurt me by putting up this wall. Nothing can penetrate through it, and while it works very well when I want to avoid pain or exposing certain feelings that could fuck me over, it does not help @ all in my craft. I'm not sure wht he's taken such a liking to me, but he tends to use me for examples all the time. He always wants to touch me or be near me in some way...these things I notice. I think he sees a determination in me, a certain fire, and it's nice...I trust him and that's good. But while I'm off for my summer lessons with him I'm going to ask for the assistance of my M.R. I need him to help me work through scenes and actions and reactions. He has a little bit of a different approach with me, it's not as nurturing, but it works just the same and I trust him immensely...very important.

So the week is over. This one went by very fast b/c of the holiday on Tuesday. I'm suppose to be doing my new pics tonight, but I think I may hold off until next week sometime. My girlfriend is going away tomorrow and she'll probably be too rushed to do the pics tonight. I don't want to be putting her through any added stress. Plus, I need to see my Aunt and Uncle b/f they leave for Cuba tomorrow also. Oh, and I had a really crappy audition last night too. I hated the director and wanted to jump him and beat the fuck out his sorry ass. I was in a mood, yesterday afternoon, where I felt like everyone was out to get me. I get like that alot. I've recovered though from it I find...today.

Love, CAT xXx