Wednesday, Jun. 11, 2003, 9:22 a.m.: ignorance is bliss...

Do I always get what I want? Somebody asked me that question a little while ago...I looked @ them slyly and said, 'No'. Well, I lied.

I had my acting class last night. I highly respect my teacher. I've only had 3 classes with him so far, but we have this un-spoken connection. I understand everything he says, how he explains things, what outcome he wants to acheive. We're completely on the same level. This, as I've said many times b/f, can be a good thing and can also be a bad thing. Well, ultimately it will all be good... b/c he knows my strengths and where I need to be challenged. Last night he handed out our scenes and partnered us up together with someone. He put me with my girlfriend, who took the class as well. As soon as he gave us our scripts I knew something was up. No teacher in their right mind would pair us together unless they were up to something. I was immediately suspicious and for good reason. He gave me a scene where I literally must emotionally crush her. @ first I resisted b/c I wasn't ready to allow him to manipulate me in that way. He later explained that he was doing me a serious injustice if he didn't challenge me or test my limits, b/c this is what will be expected of me and I must have no qualsms with it professionally. I totally agree with him and respect him so much more for putting me in this position. I mean, this is exactly what I wanted. He has this way of putting it so that I have no choice but to agree with him. Mind you, that's not too hard to do anyways. I see what he sees... now I must apply it, with no holds barred. It's a very surreal experience though to look in your friends face, while she sits there so innocently and have so much anger inside that must be directed straight @ her. It was usettling b/c I was actually conscious of it. I was being forced to control it and use it with such precision. This is potentially dangerous stuff and very scary I might add. Ignorance is bliss... that's for sure.

Love, CAT xXx