Thursday, May. 08, 2003, 8:40 a.m.: not a tangent...

Uhmmmmmm... Eminem was in my dream last night. He was driving me a/r in this red Ferrari and we were getting all hot and horny together. We never fucked though...my kitty woke me up. There was even a point when we pulled up beside Ice Cube in the car...it was hilarious! Well I found out yesterady, @ rehearsal, that I will have to do all 6 shows. I said it was alright but if I have to film for some reason, on any of those days, I will not be able to do it. So, tonight I have to go and rehearse with the 2nd cast. Supposedly their version is totally different than ours. Now I have to get use to a new group of people to work with. I kinda wish she had maybe mentioned this earlier to me, but what are ya gonna do?!

Mr. Maximus was fucking whining all damn morning. It's b/c he's not getting people food that he's so fucked up a/b it. He's suffering withdrawls, I tell you! I told her again this morning NOT to feed him anything!!!! I have to wene [sp] him off the shit now. I'm going to tell her every morning not to feed him, so that hopefully it will stick in her mind and she's feel guilty if she thinks a/b doing it. I'm worried though, that b/c he's whining so much she's just going to stuff him to shut him up. I bet she did that to her kids when they were young. Piss me off!!

I went by my parents place this morning, b/c I was ready early, and there were bull-dozers and construction shit packing the drive-way. They fucked up the drive-way while they were trying to fix something earlier, and now they have to re-do the whole thing b/c of it. Across the street they had even more equipment lined up along the street. It was fucking brutal! I didn't even bother going in b/c it would have taken me 15 mins just to get through all that crap.

I'm trying to wirte a/b my feelings and what's going on inside me, but I notice that I'm so busy I can't identify anything. Okay, I know I'm very content right now. I'm very happy with my life, with my friends and with my career. It kinda worries me b/c I feel as if something is just waiting to fuck up and go wrong. I try to keep it positive b/c I need to enjoy and appreciate this time. I don't want to always have to worry a/b what may pop up a/r the corner. Fear can be so debilitating. I can't stand watching some of my friends suffer b/c they're afraid of what could happen, down the road, in a given situation. Not to say that I'm immune, b/c I'm so not, but I really try to take things as they come. Enjoy the moments for what they are. I try to be as open and honest as I can be, b/c it is what I expect and want from the people a/r me. I really believe in the whole 'give what you need' to get theory. It's totally theraputic. Dr. Phil is my hero!! Ha! Did I just go off track a little there?!

Love, CAT xXx