Wednesday, May. 07, 2003, 8:54 a.m.: pain is worth it...

Well it's been proven again! See my Mr. Kitty should not be eating human food. He's already a little bit bigger than he should be and he's not even 1 yrs old yet. But, living with my Grandmother does not help b/c she tries to force feed everybody she comes into contact with. So since the beginning, as soon as she saw that he was a bit skinny, she started to feed him people food. Now, knowing that she was doing this and also denying it to me, I started to limit the food I feed him so that he's not over-eating anymore. I've tried telling her politely, I've tried yelling, I've tried telling her that the vet ordered it...nothing fucking works!! This woman is like a fucking child. I've since decreased his kitty food to half of what I should be giving him and he still manages to stay the same weight. Yesterday I got home to find that he had hardly eaten the quarter of food that was in his bowl. I was fucking livid!!!! Not only does he NOT get certain nutrients that may be in his kitty food, and not in his people food, but he's MY damn cat and she cannot do what the fuck she pleases with him [even though she is]. I lost it this morning on her, b/c it's driving me fucking batty and I want to keep him healthy. She denied the whole thing, of course, pretending she didn't understand what I was saying to her. I kept repeating it over and over, in as many ways as I could, until she couldn't deny that she didn't know what I meant. She was a bit upset when I left her this morning, but I don't know what will get through her thick ass skull?! Apparently when my mother went to visit her, my Grandmother picked up MY kitty and started squeezing him to show her how thick he was...she being all proud a/b it. I mean, not only does she hit him when she's pissed or trying to move him, but she over feeds him too. Livid I tell you...livid!!!!

So, remember the audition I had on Thursday for the pilot? Well, if not...it's the one where I had everyone laughing and I thought I did really well @. Friday night the director called me up and told me that they had decided to go with somebody else. I completely crashed when I heard that...I think it may have had more to do with the fact that I was with my family and the feeling of failure a/r them is intensified by like a zillion. I still managed to brush it off and just be happy for my girlfriend who was up for the part too, and who had been called back and informed that it was a toss up between her and another girl. Well, yesterday I get a call on my cell phone. I looked @ the number and didn't answer it b/c I didn't recognize it. I figured if it was important they would leave a message. I got this flash though in my mind that maybe it was the director calling to tell me that I got the part instead. So, either I'm psychic or my sub-conscious mind recognized the number b/f my conscious mind did, but it WAS the director telling me that he was mistaken and it was ME that they wanted. I thanked him as calmly as I could and then flipped out over here. Talk a/b unstable emotions or what?! The only thing is that on Friday I had to dye my hair back to red, to finish up a film, and these guys want my hair black [or dark brown] like it was @ the audition. It wouldn't be that big of a deal IF the previous film was finished shooting, but I've got one more scene to do with them and I can't be dying my hair back and forth like this anymore. If I dye it back to dark, then it's not going light again for a very long time!!! I totally have to work something out. I may even have to go out and buy a wig for now. I mean, I really don't know what I should do! I'll figure it out though.

Today I've got another audition to go to. I have to go and explain to them that my hair will be black very soon and that they have to take that into consideration, if I am who they want to cast. What a hassle this hair thing becomes. Actually, I may not even have the time to shoot this one if I do happen to get it. I'm in complete awe over how well things have been going as of late. It's really beautiful actually. I did the whole thanking of the universe [God] the other day, for everyone in my life and how they/it has been so good to me... you know, for all the great things coming my way. I really do appreciate it...all of it. All the pain is worth it.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test Love, CAT xXx