Monday, Apr. 28, 2003, 9:02 a.m.: no control...

Today will probably be [so far] one of my most physically painful days. I spent 4 1/2 hrs last night dancing. Three classes in a row and I kept going hard until, by the end, every muscle and joint in my body was aching. I finished the last dance by falling on my ass b/c I was throwing myself a/r so much. Today, is probably nothing though compared to what tomorrow will feel like. I'm considering going to the gym tonight, but I have my taxes to do so I may just skip it.

Speaking of the gym...on Saturday I woke up early to head out to a 9:30am spin class. I got there to find out that all w/e calsses had been cancelled as of that week. I was SO pissed!! Now, I could have stayed and gotten on a machine, but when I have my mind set on doing something I can be extremely one tracked. I like the competition factor in a spin class. I like that I have to work to be just as good, if not better than, the insructor. I can do the alone thing, but I'm just not motivated when I've got my mind set on the sport of spinning. I need to be in a proper mind-set for just the act of walking on a stair climber over and over and over. B-O-R-I-N-G! I need to get music to listen to too, b/c that's another huge motivation factor. So, I'm a bit picky a/b it. I left deciding that my Sunday work-out will cut it for the w/e for me...and it did. Why they cut our w/e classes makes no sense to me, b/c the guy had said they were going to cut the ones that didn't have alot of participation. Saturday was the biggest in that area, so I'm just assuming that they're getting really stingy and they don't want to pay the instructors. Fuckers! I may have to switch up gyms too.

M.R., my favorite boy in the whole wide world, hooked me up with audition notices this w/e too. So I'm nicely booked for this week. See I'm so happy when I get times like this. I still have no agent, which sucks my ass. I have to deal with that fact every day of my life. I try not to think a/b it, b/c it depresses me and I don't want to go down that road. Then I wonder if that is what's effecting my luck in that department...the fact that I don't think enough a/b it. I decided though that I'm going to re-send my stuff out this June...hopefully this time with some of my work for them to go on, as well as a resume. M.R. also told me he wanted to coach me in my acting. I've been dying for him to agree to that with me, cause I know we work well together. He can pull things out of me that I never would have gotten another way. Only 'stipulation' is I'm not allowed to get all sexy on him. Boo-Hoo...it's very hard not to with him. He's so yummy! It hurts just thinking a/b it.

Saturday I shot my part for the sitcom pilot. I was all worried b/c I wanted to make sure I did a good job. I showed up and everyone knew each other from the day b/f, so I kind felt out of place and alone. When it was my scene to be shot I needed a bit of direction from the director, but we only took 2 takes and I was done. He turned me into the 'sexy' ex-wife bitchy ex-boss, as opposed to the way they had originally pictured the character. Again, my girlfriend and I were laughing b/c I got the sexy comment. This was my first paid gig...it was pretty awesome. When I was done, the writer goes 'I think I have to write Carol [my character] in as a recurring role, into the script'. @ first that didn't register, but later I realized that he liked how I acted her. I signed my rights away though, so if this gets picked up and they don't want to use me I can't do shit a/b it. Ahh, the life of a struggling actor. No control I tell you...

Love, CAT xXx