Tuesday, Apr. 22, 2003, 9:32 a.m.: on the bright side...

I don't know what the hell happened to me this morning, but I woke up @ 8:40am. Maximus woke me up @ 6:30 cause he was hungry and then I ended up staying awake till 7 [or maybe till 6:50]. By that time I was out again and I must have managed to convince myself that I was hitting the snooze button only 3 times, as opposed to the 6 or 7 I really was. I hate getting up late, cause it throws me WAY off schedule. Already my head feels fucked, the balls of my feet are hurting, and I'm too hot. It totally does a number on me...I should have just gotten up @ 6:30. I'm pissed. Now I know for next time!!

I don't think I got a chance to mention that I'm going to be moving downtown with my girlfriend soon. I'm going to call all the places today to see if we can go take a look @ them. I'm really looking forward to this going through. It will be much more convenient for me b/c all of my auditions are located there. Eventually my life will be based there. We were wondering if we could live together w/o throwing each other out the window. I think we can, cause we're both anal a/b the same shit. We already decided, no talking in the morning and no strangers [anyone other than us] touching ANY of our shit. We each take a turn cleaning the place...once a week, and we each clean up a/f ourselves. I think it's do-able. We're not into bringing loads of people over to our place...we like it in private moments [you know] only. And, we both have the same tastes in the people we can and cannot handle. Those are the positives! Oh, throw in there that we respect each other immensely and we have been friends for 11 years...we've been through it all [except for this and a bit of that, I guess]. The negatives are pretty bad though, but I think we can handle it. I have faith!

That fuck wad director never got back to me. I think he's gonna bail and I think it's b/c he doesn't think he's gonna ever fuck me. Like seriously, get over it and get a fucking life! I fuck on my own terms...well, unless you're M.R. Then I fuck on his terms...but really, what happened to people seperating business and pleasure [in some instances]. It's not like he can't go and find someone else to fuck, what the hell does he want with my ass. I'm being so egotistical right now, but I always think everyone wants to fuck me. It's just a feeling I get, plus I just recently realized that I always give off the sexy vibe. The seductress, the temptress, the all I wanna do is fuck look. Love it, but fuck! I guess cause he can't get me he wants me even more, and so he's being a fucking greedy baby a/b it. What a waste of my damn time. I'm going to have to take all the girls out fro food and drinks to compensate them for their time. This bastard is even making me spend money...can you believe this shit?! @ least I know that if I ever film my own movie I got what it takes to get people together to do shit and work. That's a positive. Gotta always find the positives...

Love, CAT xXx