Tuesday, Mar. 18, 2003, 9:13 a.m.: time is mine...

St. Patty's Day has never been a big deal for me. It was always just another day, really. Well, this year all the girls decided to go out for a few drinks. We ended up @ a local bar once I finished my night @ the gym. The service was slower than fucking hell, considering it was 'St. Patty's'! The first three girls waited 45 mins for their dinner to get to them and when the rest of us finally got to meet them, we had to wait another 20 just to get a server to greet us and ask what drinks we wanted. We bumped into an old high school buddy who was sitting @ a table next to us. 3-4 years ago I use to hang out alot with him. During my ecstacy years he would always show up @ the club we use to religiously dance @ and we'd party until 3pm the next day. He even came very close to getting together with my sister, but it never fully worked out. Now he doesn't hear from her anymore b/c of her slightly possessive b-friend. Understandable though, I guess, where he is concerned. We had a great time chatting with him...I always loved his attitude, and he's still the same guy. We decided to head out to a club this w/e for my girlfriend's birthday. B/f she has to fly back out to Portugal. Speaking of her, I talked to her and obvioulsy am hearing a totally different persepctive. I mean, I'll love her no matter what. She always means well and, while I disagree with some of the shit, I can't and couldn't brush her off. She's been my best friend since we were like 4! I have to be there for her. If it happens that I'm the strong one right now...so be it. There have been plenty of times when she's been the one to stand up for me or support me when I needed it. I can't forget those times.

I'm feeling this renewed sense of vigor. I don't know why and/or where it's coming from. I think M.R. struck a chord in me yesterday when he brushed me the wrong way. As far as my day went I met with an agent who was ready to sign me right there, but I didn't like the fact that she wouldn't give me the contract to take home and read over. That swayed me into the direction of shaddy! I'm going to call the rest of them today and see if I can score anymore interviews. I spoke with the woman who was really willing to take a look @ me, and she told me that she's got way too many girls in my age group on her roster and that she's even cleaning some out. I don't see why she made such a big deal a/b checking out my resume if she knew she really couldn't take me, but she said she wanted to give it a chance...just in case. I don't take this shit that personally which is the good thing a/b it. I mean, fuck it...if it doesn't happen now it'll happen later. I don't need to stress over shit that is completely out of my hands. I mean, I know that if I got into those offices to meet with the gents they would never turn me away. But, it's a matter of just getting to that stage. Time is a man made concept and I have all the 'time' in the world. I own my time and until I die that's the way it will be.

Love, CAT xXx