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Tuesday, Mar. 04, 2003, 2:21 p.m.: let me...

I've slowly become extremely emotional today. I was fine this morning, when I got in to work...and it's just been down hill ever since. I've been hysterically laughing @ sometimes and then snapping @ the littlest things the next. I keep trying to tell myself that my endorphin levels are trying to balance out in my brain. You know, my trip back to the gym being a major stabalizing factor in my life. Of course the whole PMS thing has got to fit in somewhere here...yes? It'll all even out though...I know it. Yea, keep telling yourself that girl.

It's like I feel that everyone in the world is against me and I have to tear back into myself. Like nobody gets it or me... I've been exposed and out for too long and it starts to hurt with anger. And so I seek solitude in myself...cause I'm the only one I feel can trust. Then I start to miss out on everything others have to offer up in experience and lesson...good or bad...it makes no difference. I feel both in equal proportions...so what does it matter? The cycle continues and continues...up and down...in and out...back and forth.

You know, it's either I have too much compassion for others or none @ all. I say I want to find that happy medium, but I thrive on the challenge of teetering on either edge. And I don't know why this is spilling out of me right now. I'm trying to figure something out, but what I haven't the slightest idea yet. This was borne of what's happening inside me right now. Whatever...just let me be.

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