Monday, Jan. 06, 2003, 8:49 a.m.: holiday season is done with...

It's snowing again out today. Light and fluffy though...easy to deal with. I had my last relaxed w/e of the holiday. Yesterday was my sister's birthday. Once her b-day is over, it really symbolizes the end of the holidays for me. Today is back to my normal schedule. It's time too, b/c I'm becoming stir crazy. I'm not sure what that really means, but I feel like I"m a/b to lose it. The gym is in serious order for me as it's been one of the only things that can ground me. When I neglect to go (for good reason) I'm totally playing with fire. So, tonight when I get back there, I know I'm going to experience the ultimate euphoric feeling. It's been a while since I've pushed my body to those heights. I'm in such need right now.

We all went out to dinner for her birthday. It was nice, except for the fact that we almost erupted into a religious debate (argument more like it). I've grasped control over my emotions in the last while and I manage to stay calm and cool. It's very funny. Religion is always the topic that divides people and causes the biggest arguments. I tried to explain how instead of dividing it should really be uniting. I mean, the irony of it is incredible. Not one perspective (cause that's really what it is, a persopective on 'god') is right or wrong or better than the other. It's developed from the same source, just cultural differences vary the story. In essence though, the message is always the same...when not taken to any sort of extreme, of course. It's really very simple, but so very hard to grasp for many. I guess I can't blame someone for holding so strongly to 'their' religion,though, I just think that spirituality should provoke open-mindedness and an acceptance for all...that's all. But, that is me. So we were able to bring the 'conversation' back down to a level where everyone was getting along again and not feeling slighted. Sometimes my Father feels that I am over-riding his 'superior intelligence', and I guess in a way I am, but not for any vindictive reason. I just hope to show him something in a different light, cause sometimes being so smart can hinder a person as well.

I notice when I am a/r my family it's really hard, almost impossible, for me to feel vulnerable w/o getting agressive. The only person in my imidiate family, that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with, is my baby sister. I feel very very close to her...it makes me cry (beautiful tears). You know, though, that is enough for me. I'm so grateful for her...my special little angel.

It was also my ex's birthday yesterday. I didn't call him either. He slammed the door and I locked it. Goodbye and goodnight.

Love, CAT XXX