Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2002, 9:25 a.m.: gotta calm down and deal...

I'm completely stressed beyond my point right now. I think the alcohol has taken it's toll on my body, along with all the other emotional and mental crap I've been dealing with. I'm basically @ my wits end right now . Everyone and everything is driving me nuts. Do you notice on days when you just can't take it anymore, everything fucks up a/r you. Life just has to pushy you that much further to test your strength. And it's not so much big things, but a zillion little things that just start falling out of place a/r you and you just have to learn to D-E-A-L. I need to get to the gym tonight...it's been WAY too damn long.

It's time that I get out of my Grandmother's place. I think I've over stayed my welcome there. She's a huge contributor of my stress level. I'm very self-sufficient and I go mad when people feel they have to help me or do things for me a/f I've said 3 times already that I'm fine. It only takes once to understand that, yes, I am fucking fine. I know this is standard 'relative' shit, but you see b/c of our language barrier it makes it ten times more stressful.

@ my voice lesson yesterday I was totally off. It was driving me even more mental. My voice was so scratchy and my frustrationlevel was soaring. I'm very animated ad I think my teacher thought I was going to loose it. I wasn't, but I should really take into consideration how I look to others. I mean I can sometimes come across like

this crazy freak out girl. Ahhhhhhhhh. Anyways, now I'm sufferiong from caffeine withdrawl. Gotta get my coffee!! Oh ya. I forgot to mention that I re-named my kitty. His name is 'Maximus' not Marcus. Maximus is the one I wanetd him to be. Little mistake there.

Love, CAT XXX