Monday, Nov. 11, 2002, 9:09 a.m.: after it rains...

Someone save me from this sexual prison I have put myself in. Haha! Ahh, fuck it. I'm totally kidding. I am not kidding, however, a/b the sexual prison. I cannot stop thinking a/b this 'not so new guy' sexually. He's invaded my mind to a huge degree. I keep getting these scenes played in my head...it's become an obsession. I'm having a hard time stopping it. I realize I'm a total obsessive compulsive, but how do you stop this stuff?! The fact that I am SO horny certainly doesn't help either.

My weekend was alright. I had my first vocal lesson in like 6 months. I was still in pretty good shape considering. I did this new exercise that was so exhausting. I want to strengthen my vocal chords so that I can sing and dance for an hour straight...@ least. We're doing another workshop in December and I'm going to get paid this time for my services. I also received an e-mail from a film I had auditioned for asking me a/b my dancing. So who knows, I may just get another job dancing in a film or choreographing for it. Oddly enough dancing just gets thrown in my face over and over again.

I was suppose to have a long talk with my 'good friend' this weekend. I had alot of shit to tell her a/b how I saw things and she never even called me to get together. I'm pissed...yes huge, but I'm more sad right now. She's fucking up her life huge, I think, and the fact that she is avoiding me is even more proof of it. But fuck, it's not my life and she can do what the hell she wants. I just figure that as her 'good friend' I have an obligation to tell her what I feel, especially if her well-being is @ stake...which I think it is. She's a big girl, though, and I guess she can take care of herself...I hope @ least.

As far as anything else goes, the weather is warm but rainy and it looks dark outside. Boo Hoo. I don't like the rain. Although, yesterday it was thundering and lightening and I loved it! It just depends you know.

Love, CAT XXX