Friday, Oct. 25, 2002, 8:47 a.m.: you gotta never let it go...

Yesterday afternoon I started getting that feeling again. Like I was a hamster running on a hamster wheel, just over and over and over. Why do I feel like I'm not doing enough? I don't fucking know. I spend @ least 80% of my time on acting...thinking, researching, doing. I just feel like it's not enough. It could be b/c I'm not working on anything big enough to really feel like I'm doing or accomplishing. My best friend is always giving me these analogies...telling me that soon that wheel is going to bust and I'll be off. She makes me feel so much better when I'm lost in that hurricane. I'd like to know, though, if there's anything else I could be doing.

The audition I had yesterday night went well...and I use that term loosely. Everyone always has good stuff to say a/b my work, but the fact that I haven't gotten much kinda makes me not want to listen to that shit. This director saw me and said right away that I was exactly how he had pictured the role. Then when I read for him he said I got the character down perfect and when I gave my interpretation of her he said it was exactly right. So, yea that's all good stuff and shit, but DO I GET THE PART or what?! You know.

I also went to the dreaded mall yesterday night and bought two outfits. Awesome skirts and some more long sleeved sweater type shirts for this damn fucking winter weather that's heading our way. I'm so pissed a/b that. I really LOVE the sun. All my funky flashy shit is perfect for fall and winter though. For some reason in the summer I look much more natural, unless I'm going out. My finger hurts this morning. I think I may have slept of it wrong. It hurts to bend and I can't type with it. I hope it's not arthritis. So guess what song I woke up to again this morning?? 'LOOSE YOURSELF' baby!!!!!!!

Love, CAT XXX