2002-09-25, 9:01 a.m.: calmness...

I feel calm today. Relaxed and honestly calm. It's fucked cause I'm not bored, I'm just content. When I put my head down on my pillow yesterday night, my thoughts were travelling in slow motion. Must have been making up for all the racing thoughts from the past week or so. Driving to the library I was going below the speed limit, stuck behind someone and I wasn't bitching. I had no road rage...usually I'm flipping out on everyone a/r me. It was nice for a change.

You know, I hate love songs and shit. O.K. not hate...just dislike. Especially those Enrique Eglesias (sp) ones. They're very pretty, but when I see him perform them I want to hit him. I don't know why...he just makes me want to vomit.

I'm dressed up for work today. I don't really feel comfortable. I feel all constricted...it's weird. Did I mention the new guy told me I could go sleep with whomever I please, as long as I use protection. I was in shock, cause in the first place he had said it could only be us. I didn't call him on it, cause I wanted to ride it out a bit. It's fucked cause when he first said it could only be me and him, I was like 'Fuck that, he's not my boy friend'. But, now I'm like 'Hey, what do I do with all this freedom...I don't want it'. He's giving me all the freedom I always wanted and I don't know what to do. He's gotten into my head already. In a good way. Not in an obsessive, fucked up way...but in a sweet and honest way. I just want to strangle him sometimes. He's proving to be a good friend. I haven't fucked him yet, which is weird too. Something keeps holding me back, and yet I'm so forward a/b it. Well, 'What shall be, shall be'. Yes?

There's an upcoming audition for the play 'Bus Stop'. I'm going to go out for it. I've already worked on the play in one of my classes so it's not new to me. Maybe the director will see me as the lead role for that one, since my teacher did. Tomorrow I'm going to go down to the local audition board and pick out whatever's new on there. I'll do lunch with my friend too. Then I think I'll go and take a dance class, if my body feels like holding up. I want to make sure I don't over work myself or run myself down, especially with the season changing. This is prime time for flu's and colds and shit like that. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT CRAP!!!

I went out with some girls from the gym to a local bar. I am in love with this chick from my gym, not in a sexual way or anything...but I love her. She's one of those people that you just want to hug everytime you see them. She's so inviting and bubbly and welcoming, and it's not as if she's fake and full of shit. She's like my little sister and I love that a/b her.

Love, CAT XXX