2002-08-22, 8:49 a.m.: a night w/o my bar bell...

So I'm signing up to volunteer for the 'indie film festival'. My friend is booking all the bands and is scheduled to play too. I figure I'll go and get some background knowledge seeped into my brain. I'll get free tickets to the screenings too. Now, it'll all work out unless I get the part in the movie, then I'll have to drop out of the festival. I think the festival will be interestng, but I REALLY want this part so I'm crossing my fingers for it still...obviously...duh.

I just finished a yummy yummy McD's breakfast. Tasted amazing, but I feel like salt and grease is running through my veins now. I'll be better by the afternoon. It's completely shit ass out...raining, gloomy, and humid. Fucking disgusting! Why is it that on days that make you feel so crap, you always DO feel like shit a/b everything. I mean, down to the clothes you wear, the way you do your hair. If it was sunny and bright out I'd feel so beautiful, but today I feel all out of place. Not that I want to feel IN place, but I don't feel like I normally do, yo know. I'm in the middle of my monthly torture ritual and I think it's affecting my mood, along with the weather.

I'm already planning for Saturday. I want to go and dance my ass off, a/f I move all my shit out of my place. My girl friend was going to get us tickets to 'Cirque de Soleil' but it started @ 7pm and she didn't think we would make it in time. I figured we could squeeze it all in and pull it off, but she won out in the end. She was right...it would be way too rushed.

@ the gym, the instructor tried a new routine on us. She started us off with all our big muscles and then worked down. Today I feel it already, which means that by tomorrow I'm going to be one sore chick. I'll probably be a total stiff all day. I really feel it across my chest. It's good for the perky tit thing, you know. My biceps are much stronger too...I'm so proud. I'm going to be able to up my weight soon if I want to bulk a little more. See, I don't really need a class, I just need the diploma. Like usual, it's just the piece of paper. It's fun to sculpt your body to your preference. I find it completely amazing. It's a fucking art I tell you. But, it's gotta be in proportion...not like those big body builder guys who have huge upper bodies and little ass chicken legs. That's just nasty! When it's in proportion, it's just beautiful. I love the human physique...it gives me chills. I'm in the mood for one right now. I feel like running my tongue along some beautiful specimen of man...

Speaking of tongue, I took my bar bell out last night. Every once in a while I was still getting my choking fits in the middle of the night. Then yesterday I was @ Shoppers and I was asking if the rings they had there were stainless steel. The girl behind the counter goes and tells me a story a/b how her friend lost the botton ball on hers and choked. I was fucking mortified! I told her my phobia and what happens to me and she was all freaked out. So before I went to bed I took it out. I mean shit, if it closes that fast then so be it...I don't need it. Sure enough, this morning I pushed her right through and screwed her back on. So, I'm going to leave it out every night, cause I want to sleep soundly from now on. Maybe it was an omen you know. I've gotta trust the messages I get from the universe right. It feels weird though w/o it.

Love, CAT XXX