2002-08-01, 10:07 a.m.: what a rush...

I am so relieved right now. I had a long discussion with the 'new guy' and what a weight I feel has been lifted of me. He is a very honest person and basically he's perfect for me b/c he forces me to be totally emotionally honest with myself and others. Over the last while I've been wanting a relationship that's casual and relaxed. No strings attached, but very sexual. Well they (?) say that if you mentalize what you want, it will find you. Bam! Enter 'new guy'. He's so like me that it's scary, but refreshing. So we came to the understanding that we will respect each other's priorities in life...while still fucking the shit out of each other and only each other. I want our friendship to remain intact cause I feel this honesty radiating from him and it's rare to find people like that these days. I don't think I'll have a problem with not fucking anyone else, cause he's put everything into perspective for me. I'm still in complete awe here. The whole mentalizing thing really works you know. I've been practising and trying it for a while now and it's proven true in all cases. I feel so free right now that I could just lift off and fly.

As for everything else right now. I need to enroll in another class. I just have to make sure that I can pay for my rent and stuff first. September is approaching fast and I want to be in another class for the fall. @ the same time I also want to enroll in a personal training course so that I can run another business on the side. I need to have as much income coming in as possible so that I'm always covered. I realize it's going to take a while to establish myself in the acting industry, so I HAVE to have all the angles covered. I'd rather be active for a day job than sitting on my ass in an office...it can really drive you mad. I need constant stimulation...physical or mental. So, those are a few more things I want to do. I called a director so I could get involved in some independant films, but he hasn't called me back. Which also means that I have to get my pictures and resume done, cause I'm going to need it. Pics, I don't need them to be all professional and shit cause I'm just in the beginning stages really. I'm going to call him again if he deosn't get back to me today. Hmm, should I wait a while though?? We'll see. I'm fucking rushing!

Love, CAT XXX