2002-06-24, 10:17 a.m.: fairly decent w/e...

My w/e began on the wrong foot, I must say. We had a huge storm Friday evening. The rain was coming down like a monsoon(sp). I left here a little early so that I could get myself home and get food ready b/f I went to the performance. BIG MISTAKE!! I fucking smashed my car into a huge van. Some dumb bitch went and stopped @ a green light causing the van to slam on his brakes, which must have been in better condition than mine b/c I just slid right into his back end. Luckily there was a tow truck right a/r the corner...and double lucky, the guy in the van told me he wouldn't claim b/c the van was ready for the scrap yard anyways. So in the pouring rain I stood and then got into the tow truck. In 40 mins I was set up with a rental, dry, and my car was taken to be inspected on Monday. The accident is clearly MY fault, but the guy @ the shop said he'd absorb my deductable...which means I pay nothing, except for my my higher insurance rate. Yeah, great.

That night when I saw the new 'boy', he was acting all macho and tough with me. I think he was feeling a little vulnerable for opening himself up to me so much. I loved the fact that he was so open with me, but I guess everybody has their defences. So I took slight defence to that...but I got over it quickly. I hadn't revealed that much information a/b myself to him that night b/c I was so interested in what he had to say. I also didn't want to come across like some conceited hot head by going on and on and on. We decided that night that we would go out on Saturday. So come Saturday we got together again. I know he likes me alot, but he told me that he can see me being hard to handle. He goes and tells me that I'm a very dominating person who likes to be in control and although it wouldn't be hard to put me in my place (?!) it would be very tiring. Fair enough. I told him that he was right a/b me being a dominating person and that it takes a strong person to deal with me. I also told him the bit a/b me loving the fact that he opened himself up to me, and that normally I would jump all over that as weakness, but with him it made me want to be vulnerable with him. I told a/b the dick sucking thing too...to which he got extremely red in the face. I threw him right off @ that point...he looked so adorable like that. He admitted to me that I intimidated him sometimes. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I hope it's good. We get along really well. I like him alot. I have a feeling he's worried that he'll fall in love with me and he's not sure if he will be able to deal with me a/f. I'm the kind of person who is ready and willing to jump right into something I like or that I take an interest in. So, I guess the ball's in his court.

I feel extremely sexual a/r him, but I don't want him to think I can't conrol myself sexually. I want him to respect me fully...then I'll rip him apart. If we get to that.

The play went amazingly well the last night. The audience was very receptive. I got to be stage director on Saturday night. It was so extremely boring, but it was a good experience. I was yawning the whole time...reading the script, cueing everyone on the entrances and shit. My friend who performed that night did so well...I was so proud of her. I think I'm going to suffer withdrawls though from lack of performing now. I need to find something else to do...

Love, CAT XXX