2002-04-17, 9:32 a.m.: it's hot hot out-tear away that mask...

It's fucking amazing outside. I love it! My good friend is coming back to live here with me soon. I can't wait until she gets here. You know, there are some people who don't deserve to have one friend on this earth...not even a friend who 'pretends to be a friend'. And then there are others who deserve the world and one close friend is all they need. This is how E is to me. I love that girl soooooo much I could squeeze her to death in a hug. My tears of joy pouring over her like April showers...o.k. I got a tead poetic there. She's a tell-it-like it is kinda girl who looks out for my best interest...and I return her that respect. We have this very equal relationship where she would do anything for me and I the same for her. She's a writer and when she writes I can see and feel the exact way in which she is expressing herself. Maybe it's b/c I know her, but she's fucking great. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Back to the weather, I got side tracked with the thoughts of one of my best friends there. Our weather has sky-rocketed to high high high temps. Oh, and I got my tires yesterday. They are fucking beauties!! I never thought I'd be that excited over tires, but these ones are lovely. My girl is back to her old self again...and, I may not have fucked up my alignment after-all, cause she drives just fine now. I think it was only the rims that got bent a bit. Bent...haha. I guess when you put that much $$ into something you begin to develop a fondness that was easily ignored b/f. B/f I had the security of psychological luxury, living in denial...b/c really even when I lived with my parents I paid my way for everything. Whatever...I'm happy, I don't give a fuck.

So I'm in the process of delivering myself from the negative fucked up spiral of yet another toxic friendship. Through my couple of years of being sober I have come to develop guidelines for my friendships. It's nothing beyond that of which anyone can give...it's really just a matter of choices and the idea of want. If you choose not to BE this way with me and choose to act differently than that of which I think is deserved in a friendship or that of which I will give...then fuck right off. I'm not perfect (by far I'm sure), but there are certain respects I WILL pay to good friends and I expect the same in return. I think it really comes down to looking out for the best interest in the other person...when you both accomlish that, only the best can flourish from it. In the same respect, I guess you can't expect all your friends to stay the same over time...or to change for the better for that matter. Sometimes you move forward faster than others and those that don't obviously get left behind. I just know that I will be honest with her when I speak to her, and if she refuses to see what I see then, voila...wasn't worth it. 'Voila' is french, but I don't remember what is means...all I know is that it fits in that sentence. Kinda like writing or saying a word w/o even thinking a/b it, but if you go and repeat it it sounds stupid or you look @ it's spelling and it doesn't look quite right, but it is. It's sad when friendships come to an end, but this has been going on for way too long now. Something needs to be done.

So, unfortunately I'm @ work and I'd rather be outside enjoying the weather...but, I can't. Well...I guess I could, but I need the money right now more than I need the heat and the sunlight. Priorities people, priorities. So I'm off. Over and out baby!

CLG aka CAT meow meow