2002-01-15, 9:35 a.m.: a little bit loopy...

I'm in a bit of a mess today...actually no, I'm holding it together fine but inside my head's a little spinny. My ex wants us to get back together and he's asked me to move in with him. I'm kinda scared though cause, although things have been going well when we see each other, I worry that everything will just go back to the way it was b/f. I told him I would only if I could be granted the same freedoms that I have now. I wouldn't want him trying to tie me down just b/c we live together. I don't mean that I want to go and fuck anyone I choose to, but I want my freedom t go where I please when I want how I want. Anyways, blah fucking blah...he never got back to me on that one. I'm willing to try it out, but I'm very aware of the relationships I see a/r me and most of them scare the shit out of me. Maybe I'm not convinced that the change is for good. All I know is that a little instability in a relationship always makes you work harder...that's been proven to me (and it goes both ways). Fuck I may just be wasting my precious finger energy here, cause none of it may turn out @ all. So, I'm going to stop thinking a/b it right now.

Tomorrow I'm going to a funeral. My Grandfather's brother died a couple days ago. He was way passed his time. All of his kids and his wife ended up dying b/f him. He was the last...he had Alzheimer's. His body was healthy as a fucking warrior, but his mind was shot to shit. I don't know which is better to loose first...I say none of them. So may he rest in peace...finally.

CLG aka CAT XXX ;-)~